Many people believe love is a sensation that magically generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears.

This is how many people approach a relationship. Consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation (based on physical and emotional attraction) that magically, spontaneously generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic "just isn't there" anymore. You fall in love, and you can fall out of it.

许多人这样走进一段关系。有意识地或无意识，他们相信当你遇到正确的人，那种神奇而又自然发生的感觉（基于身体和精神的双重吸引）就是爱。

The key word is passivity. Erich Fromm, in his famous treatise "The Art of Loving," noted the sad consequence of this misconception: "There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love." (That was back in 1956 -- chances are he'd be even more pessimistic today.)

这很被动。Erich Fromm，在他著名的论述“爱的艺术”中指出这种误解的悲剧，“开始时抱有如此多的希望和期盼就很难有积极、进取，这种爱很容易失败。”

So what is love -- real, lasting love?  那么什么是真正的，持续的爱？

Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness.

爱源于欣赏对方的善良。

The word "goodness" may surprise you. After all, most love stories don't feature a couple enraptured with each other's ethics. ("I'm captivated by your values!" he told her passionately. "And I've never met a man with such morals!" she cooed.) But in her study of real-life successful marriages ("The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts"), Judith Wallerstein reports that "the value these couples placed on the partner's moral qualities was an unexpected finding."

“善良”这个词也许使你感到意外。毕竟，大多爱情故事没有描述一对恋人因对方具备良好的道德观而狂喜。但是根据Judith Wallerstein 对现实生活中成功婚姻的研究，她指出“夫妻对伴侣道德品质的重视是个意外发现。”

What we value most in ourselves, we value most in others. God created us to see ourselves as good (hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings). So, too, we seek goodness in others. Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent (all of which count for something) may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love.

我们最重视自身哪些方面，我们也同样重视他人的。上帝创造我们使我们看到自身优点，因此，我们也寻找对方的优点。漂亮的外表，充满魅力的个性，聪颖和才干都有可能吸引你。但善良才是爱的驱动力。

ACTIONS AFFECT FEELINGS 行动影响爱情

the best way to feel loving is to be loving -- and that means giving. 感受爱的最好方式就是去爱——意味着付出。

What is giving? When an enthusiastic handyman happily announces to his non- mechanically inclined wife, "Honey, wait till you see what I got you for your birthday -- a triple-decker toolbox!" that's not giving. Neither is a father's forcing violin lessons on his son because he himself always dreamed of being a virtuoso.

什么是付出？当一个热情的杂役对他的妻子说：“亲爱的，猜猜看我给你准备了什么生日礼物——一个三层的工具箱！”那不是爱。同样，一个梦想成为艺术家的父亲强迫他的儿子上小提琴课也不是爱。

True giving, as Erich Fromm points out, is other-oriented, and requires four elements. The first is care, demonstrating active concern for the recipient's life and growth. The second is responsibility, responding to his or her expressed and unexpressed needs (particularly, in an adult relationship, emotional needs). The third is respect, "the ability to see a person as he [or she] is, to be aware of his [or her] unique individuality," and, consequently, wanting that person to "grow and unfold as he [or she] is." These three components all depend upon the fourth, knowledge. You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her.

真正的付出，首先是关心对方的生活和成长。其次是责任，回应对方表达出来或是未来出来的需要（成熟的情侣更强调精神需要）。第三是尊重，意识到他/她的独特个性，因此，等待对方成长并展现他/她自己。这三个要素都依靠第四个，知识。你可以关心，回应，尊重对方只有当你深刻了解他/她.

亡命之锦

寻得一片天然花园

携帐篷出行不错

天空异常晴朗

回家路上，鸟巢旁搭起摩天轮，脚下是嘉年华